I have issues with my weight. I have side stepped this one. I have struggled with it. It is the one thing that no matter how much you want to hide in a dark hole people see it right there...plain as the sun is in the sky.
My weight has been a struggle since I was about 11 or 12. As if that age isn't hard enough with all of it's changes! My mom did not do much to help my image issues. She struggled with her own weight issues. My grandma (her mom) also has her own weight issues.
I chose the term "weight issues" over fat, obese, big, etc. for a good reason. It's not just about the size of a person...there are mental and emotional "issues" that go along with your size. My mom has since conquered the size part, but she still has weight issues.
When I was 14 my mom sat down to talk to me about my weight. At this time I was only about 20 pounds over what an average 14 year old at my height should've been. I think her intentions were good, but those words have stuck in my head and echo around in there more often than I'd like to admit. "Renee, I always hoped I wouldn't have a daughter who was heavy like me..." She was trying to help, but it was the worst thing that she could've said. At that point I didn't really consider myself "heavy" at all. I just thought it was my body changing and that it was normal. With the benefit of hindsight I can see that this was the beginning of my weight issues.
This conversation was just the beginning. It was hard enough with the typical mother/teenage daughter relationship. It was volatile. There was a lot of hurt. Not just from her, but from me. She told me that my grandpa (from my dad's side) didn't like heavy people. I was afraid that my grandpa didn't like me. I still haven't made peace with this one.
On the bright side I am working toward correcting my weight issues! I will not pass them on to my children. I am watching what I say when E is in listening distance. I am fully aware of when a comment can do when taken out of context. It is sad that as a 1st grader she already has an awareness of what "fat" is and has been called that by another girl at school. I am changing the habits of my family for their overall health. Not with just their weight in mind.
I weigh in on Sunday mornings...my good news for the week is from last week at this time I am down 4.2 pounds! Slowly, but surely I will change my life for the better and E will not become the girl I was. I need my Heavenly Father to help me, but that is the key...I can't do this alone. God is indeed there.
Bravo Renee, on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the pressure of raising a little girl in today's world, and I think it's very wise of you to be careful what you say in front of her. You're such a positive influence on her, undoubtedly.
Great perception on the "weight issues" remark as well. As someone who has struggled with weight issues on the other end of the spectrum (anorexia, bulemia), I really liked how you pointed out that it's not about the size, per say: it's about the underlying issue.
And of course, congrats on finding--and sticking to--a weight loss plan. You're doing amazing!