It's a mom thing...

Before I had kids I wasn't emotional. I could block out feelings and shut down to avoid feeling the feelings that I didn't want to experience. Feelings were overwhelming and it was just safer to avoid them. Sadly I learned that talent from my dad.

Then after an awful 19 hours of pain, nausea, blood and tears I was handed the miracle that is my Evey and my life changed forever. All of the feelings I was so used to blocking came rushing to the surface. The feeling of unconditional love that I had been so afraid to feel was it's own kind of miracle. Since that moment I have officially become a big ol' sap!

Now I cry over everything! I still avoid some of the feelings that aren't worth the anxiety...namely movies that involve cute fuzzy animals in peril!

Evey had a full couple days of soccer this last weekend. I am so proud of her and I love to watch her play. Most of the time it's pure social hour because that is who Evey is, but the last couple games I've seen her grow. This culminated with her very first earned goal! I was so happy that tears of joy were streaming down from behind my sunglasses. One of the fellow yellow team moms saw my tears gave me a quick hug and said "I've been there...it's a mom thing!"

I love that I can allow myself to feel life now and not always try to stay one step ahead watching for the moments I need to avoid. This morning as my first little miracle walked away from me into surgery I held it together until she was through the operating room door. It's definitely a "mom thing!"